People I know - #3.

If you were to see me and my dad together today there's a few things you might not believe. For instance, we clashed a lot when I was younger. He had problems with alcohol and anger management and I was an obnoxious teenager who didn't know when to stop pushing. It came to a head when I was about 16. It was probably one of the scariest events of my life. 

The thing is, I think it was a wake up call for him. He started going to meetings and he tried SO HARD to get me to forgive him. And for a long time I couldn't -- I couldn't even look at him without bursting into tears. It was hard. But he kept trying. I pushed him away and I called him names and he KEPT trying. We slowly started to develop something of a relationship again, but I ended up moving away - first 8 hours away, and then to another country. We didn't talk much, for a long while.

At some point he and mum broke up [and eventually divorced] and -- to my shock -- he kept trying. Something most people wouldn't know is that he's not my biological dad. When he and mum separated I honestly thought his will to rebuild our relationship would just disappear. I was so wrong and when I count my blessings I count my BIGGEST blessing that my idiot father Steven was stupid enough to let me go so that I could be lucky enough to end up a dad like mine.

When I came back from America my dad was there for me. From that day onward he has been my ROCK. From taking me in and letting me stay with him, rent free, for as long as it took for me to put my life together.. to buying me shoes because I had none, to taking me to Doctors appointments when my health started to fall apart.. To hugging me and telling me that the world wasn't going to fall apart because my ex boyfriend didn't love me anymore. 

This is the man who has moved my entire house, almost single handedly, 3 times now -- and once across state lines in a 27 hour round trip with no sleep. The man who flew me home so I wouldn't be away from my family for the holidays.  This is the man who I could hear holding back tears when I told him I had been diagnosed with cancer -- who immediately told me to come home and he would take care of everything. When I refused to come home and insisted on staying put, this is the man who called me almost every second day to check I was ok.

This is the man who -- when the floods happened a few weeks ago -- was on the phone to me the minute he found out I might be in danger. Who demanded I SMS him the moment I finally get home, when I was stranded in the city. This is the man who has always offered to help, before he even really knew what was wrong.

This is my dad. My amazing dad. All these years later I look back and I think to myself, the rough start was worth it. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, it's never fast. We have a fantastic relationship and I love this man more than any other person on the planet. My dad was worth the work.

I love you daddy.

xx. A.

People I know - #2.

So a long, long time ago I started this supposed 'series' during which I would describe the people in my life. The idea was that I would give a description and not a name [though my first and only attempt I gave away], maybe once a week or fortnight, of someone who means something to me. Anyway this is my second [third, technically, though I kept my last one set to private for fear of repercussions from the person in question] attempt.

Person #2

Person 2 makes me want to get a dog. I'm not really sure I can explain the reasoning behind it, but I always come away from our conversations wishing I had a puppy. Riddle me THAT.

Person 2 is an old soul. Someone who -- I imagine -- would have made a fantastic Knight of Solamnia.
He is the kind of person who will readily lend a jacket, open a door, or forfeit his seat to a lady in his company.
He is someone I share many an interest with. From tastes in books, to movies, food, ways to spend an evening, the list goes on and on.

He is someone who is very determined, often to the point of being stubborn -- but I did mention that we were quite alike, so that makes a lot of sense, really.
He possesses an incredible strength of will that I am utterly in awe of.
Person 2 - in many ways - reminds me of a mother grizzly bear. He is fiercely protective of those he loves, to the point of being scary from an outsiders point of view. He will fight to the death in order to preserve those who mean the most to him. Also, he's cranky when he first wakes up, and he's built for bear-hugs!

Person 2 is your typical newspaper 'love connection' cliche. While he is not - strictly speaking - an outdoorsman, he enjoys romantic walks by the beach, picnics in the park, wandering hand-in-hand at sunset with no particular destination in mind.
He believes in marriage, happily-ever-afters.
I honestly think that people who don't know him quite so well as I wouldn't see that. He's a private person when it comes to matters of the heart -- or at least that is my understanding of him.
He believes in honour and above all, respect.

I'll never forget Person 2 trying to give me tech support. I can't even remember what was broken at the time, all I remember is that he knew what he was saying, and I knew what I was saying, but somehow the two never met. It makes me grin, every time.
Person 2 is someone I've known a long time, and someone who I immensely disliked at the beginning of our relationship. It's strange, really, how fine the line between friends and enemies can be.

xx. A.

The first Blind Date I've been on in years..

Something I've noticed lots of authors do in either FAQ pages, advice to people, interviews and whatnot, is say that the best research and practice for writing is reading. And really, it makes sense. If you want to learn how to put a car together, it makes sense to see what different cars look like when they've been assembled by an expert.

Inspired by this [and overjoyed by the fact that my ability to concentrate for more than 2 seconds at a time seems to be returning (albeit slowly)], I've been reading a LOT. Anything I can get my hands on, really.. Old books I've read [what feels like] thousands of times, new books from authors I love, books from authors I don't even know! I've even been doing something that feels really reckless to a bookworm like me, and that's taking book advice without actually doing any research. So far I'm 3 for 3 [or 5 for 5 if you go by book and not author] and I'm really impressed with how much I've loved these books that are pretty much the equivalent of 'blind dates'. That is -- books a friend thought I might like, that I've never heard of and know nothing about.

Anyway, I've been raving about all of these books on pretty much every social media available to me so I thought why not do a bit of a little write up about them here! Who knows, maybe someone who reads this might be interested!

The first of my 'dates' was a trilogy of books recommended to me by Karen [otherwise known as My Twin -- and so I suppose maybe this doesnt fall under 'blind date' because it stands to reason that if she likes it, I will too (that seems to be the case for most things. haha!)], The Black Jewels trilogy by Anne Bishop. I read the first of these while I was on vacation. I started reading out of boredom but then was so completely captivated that I went on to read the first and second book within 2 days of eachother [no small feat, they're almost 500 pages a piece and I had to fit sleep in there somewhere, too]!

I would classify the Black Jewels books as 'typical me' reads. I tend to be very drawn to the Dragonlance style book. Sara Douglass, Robin Hobb, Raymond E Feist.. these authors all feature prominantly in my personal library and I feel Anne Bishop fits very nicely among them, when it comes to not only writing style but also what they write about. Of course their concepts are unique, but these worlds are made up of fantasy and magic - unicorns, elves, etc. This is a 'typical me' book.

The second [or fourth if you don't count all three Anne Bishop Books as one] 'date' I had was completely on a whim. I had been recommended this book [and series - I seem to be incapable of reading books that stand alone] by a few people but it was very much at the back of my list. Anyway chance presented this book to myself and so I found myself reading Marked by P.C. and Kristin Cast [of the House of Night series]. Honestly this book has been named as copying Harry Potter, copying Twilight, copying every young adults book or series under the sun but I think for what it is [comfortable fluff -- there's no real substance to the book but it's a good story and a good read if you arent needing anything too intelligent] it's fantastic.

Lastly -- but certainly not least -- The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I literally put this book down 30 minutes ago after a 5 hour straight reading frenzy in which I didn't come up for air until I was done and my head is still spinning with how well written, intense and scary this novel was. I knew this book was popular in nerdy circles on the internet but I honestly had no idea what an impact it would have on me. I'm actually going to reread it [maybe even tonight].. it was THAT good. I picked this book as a 'pallet cleanser' - it isn't the kind of book I'd typically go for. But oh-my-gosh am I glad I had blind faith in those around me to pick this one up. Fantastic. Amazing. Breathtaking. I cannot say enough good words.

I don't want to ruin any of these 'blind dates' by giving you an explaination of the plot. I think that would ruin the fun of it. But give it a go - if you're going to try only one I would strongly, strongly recommend you pick The Hunger Games. In the world we live in, everyone needs to read it atleast once.

I'm still so fuzzy and submerged in this book, so I'm going to cut it short there. To recap:

The Black Jewels trilogy - Anne Bishop
Marked - P.C. and Kristin Cast
The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

Read something. Tomorrow! You won't regret it.

xx. A.

Rain, rain, go away..

So it's raining here. And when I say it's raining, I mean, it's raining. For the first few days it was annoying -- Queensland is so warm that even when it rains it tends to be incredibly humid.. the rain hits the roads, sizzles and rises back up.. It's so weird, having the sky falling around you and still being SO HOT you don't want to wear a jacket or any clothes that aren't absolutely necessary.

After about half a week it started to cool down though and for a little while I was enjoying it. The cool weather was a nice change from constantly feeling as though at any minute you might topple over and die from heat exhaustion. I also lovelovelove the sound of rain outside my window while I'm falling asleep, so I had a few nights of fantastic sleep there.

Now though, it's getting a little out of hand. My cold has come back and -- in true My Life fashion -- my dryer has chosen this fantastic time to die. Normally it'd be fine, since it's so warm clothes would dry within minutes of being put out.. but it's so cold and oddly humid at the same time that clothes are literally starting to smell before they dry. It's so frustrating! Ah the trials and tribulations of My Life. haha.

Back to work tomorrow and I'm excited! Last week was surprisingly not-too-painful. I mean, I was exhausted but I had expected that so it was easy to work around [energy drinks rock]. I had expected it to be awkward inserting myself back into worklife after so long of not working/being unreliable, but I guess I picked the right time to come back since everyone was returning from holidays, so I'm only as awkward as the people around me.. and that's nice.

I have a checkup on the 17th which is a week from today. I'm both nervous and excited. I kept saying the Cancer didn't define me.. but after 4 months, it really did become my life. I'm sitting here trying to think of something to write about and I've just got nothing. I spend my days reading and watching TV and just recovering from the hell my body just went through, so I'm really not too interesting at all.

I've almost finished up with another "People I know" post but it's sensitive so I want it to be 'right' before I post it. I know I said last week, but it should be up this week, for realsies. A couple of people have mentioned they'd like me to post more and I am trying, but remember I have a twitter and I tend to post there 43294892308423 times a day, if you're missing me. =]

Anyway it's 12:34am.. I need to be awake in 6 hours to go pwn it up at the D of TMR! I can't wait! Night world!

xx. A.

"Feed me" button..

So, I thought about this for a long time before I did it. While I was having treatment in particular, and struggling to stay above water I had so many people suggest that I put a paypal button on my website somewhere but I was always way too proud and I figured things would fall into place eventually. I'm still proud [this is killing me to write] and I still think -- eventually -- things will get better.. the thing is, they aren't getting better fast enough. I can't keep up and things keep going wrong and even I have to admit, I need help.

Now, I'm not the kind of person who enjoys asking for anything. It literally makes me nausious to even think about borrowing money and so I guess this is the cowards way out, in a way. There is atleast 1 person in my life I could ask for financial aid and he would -- without question -- offer it, but I wouldn't. I'd find a way, instead.

Anyway this post isn't about guilting people into clicking that button. I'm not going to sit here and tell you how I'm hungry and my dryer died and I owe XYZ money to XYZ companies. I'm just going to say that anything that could be spared would be greatly appreciated.

All that said, I'm not going to mention that button again. It'll be there in the side bar, but I'm not going to openly 'advertise' it or whatever, after this post. I just wanted to explain that I'm not a sell out, I'm not begging, I'm just recovering and it's taking significantly more time, effort and money than I ever thought it would.

xx. A.

Obsession.

So, music is a big part of my life. I always have my iPod/phone with me, I'm usually listening to something if I'm at my computer.. I have quite literally had an argument in my head, with myself, about whether I should watch an episode of something and lost the argument because I'm enjoying listening to my music too much to turn it off for a simple TV show.

I've always been the kind of person who listens to a song once and knows it off by heart, which has been a huge note of pride in the song of my life, by the way. Unfortunately, part of that 'gift' is that I become obsessed with songs after just one listen - sometimes it doesnt even take that first listen. It can just be a few lines from a verse, or a catchy chorus, either way, I'm hooked. I'm not shy about sharing my taste in music - since I was very young I've been known by my friends as a Shameless Pop Princess and I live up to that title very well, I'd like to think.

My newest obsession though, is something even I wouldn't have picked for myself. It's from an 'artist' I -- until recently -- had probably listened voluntarily maybe TWICE, ever. While she definitely sits solidly in the "Pop Musician" category I've just never been a fan. And when I say 'obsession' I mean I downloaded this song from iTunes last night at around 10pm and since then -- according to iTunes -- have listened to it over 40 times..

I want to believe a large part of my obsession is to do with how freaking adorable/hilarious the videoclip is but I guess I'll leave that judgement upto you. I give you, ladies and gentlemen, California Gurls - Katy Perry.

I know a place, where the grass is really greener.. Warm, wet and wild, there must be something in the water..

I offer no apology!
xx. A.

Bits and bobs.

I was going through my blog - updating it for the new year - when I found this draft of a post.. not sure why I never posted it, but it's from about November I believe. None of it is relevant anymore but there's some pretty pictures so I thought I'd make it public.

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So the last few weeks have been a bit of a blur for me. I sleep when I'm tired [which is always, to be honest] so my days kind of smush into eachother and before I know it a whole month has passed! That said though, I'm trying to do more with friends -- life is short and even though I feel like crap right now, I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I spent today alone when I could've done something with someone I loved instead.

Anyway there's no way I could write details about every single social occassion I've been to in the last little while -- I'm not that bored and I'm not that motivated -- instead I have just a little bunch of photos which I think sum it up nicely. =]

xx. A.

Everything else.

The problem with having a public 'diary' is that the public see it [funny that]. It becomes a place to share photos, and funny anecdotes, maybe let your family know how you're doing without having to contact them all individually.. but it really does stop being a place to tell the truth on every level.

I'm mad at someone. I've been mad at this someone for a long time, but the last few days in particular have made me significantly more upset. I feel justified in my anger, I believe with all my heart that they are in the wrong and I am in the right. But I respect this person [maybe not respect, misplaced loyalty perhaps?] too much to call them out on a public platform and so I'm going to write about something else, instead.

It's 2011! I want to be the kind of person who believes in a new year being a whole new beginning -- giving me the chance to be a whole new person, but lets face it, I'm far to cynical for that kind of behavior. I'm not the kind of person who makes new years resolutions but given what I've been through and the things I have overcome in the last 6 months or so, I really feel like a few changes would do me a world of good. Maybe not new years resolutions -- more like, "beat cancer and that scared the shit out of me and I've realised I'm not actually invincible and life doesnt go forever" resolutions.. or BCATSTSOOMAIRINAIALDGF resolutions for short. haha.

BCATSTSOOMAIRINAIALDGF Resolutions -- 01/01/2011, 3:11am.

- I will read more [books, computer stuff doesn't count].
- I will spend more time with the people I love.
- I will spend less time worrying about people who 'should' care not caring.
- I will get more sunshine!
- I will eat better, exercise more, and in general respect my body.
- I will pay off my mountain of debt.
- I will not complain about not having any 'play' money while paying off my mountain of debt.
- I will cut unnecessary bad influences from my life - people, objects and addictions.

There's a few more but they're mostly sort-of repeats or personal, so they'll be quietly filed away under "LOL SIF ANYONE CARES ANYWAY".

In unrelated news I just returned from almost a week in paradise.  Ok, not quite paradise - but pretty damned close. I was staying with my Dad in the Hunter Valley and I swear, he should start charging for accomodation - his house is like a resort.. Pool [the swimming kind], darts, pool table [the kind you're normally drunk while you play], gorgeous views, the whole nine yards..  I did very little more than lounge around by the pool, eat delicious food that I didn't cook [haha yay!], hang out with my brothers, play scrabble and read, for the entire week I was there.. so so good. =]

Here are a few pictures -- the week was really too great to ruin with words.

Anyway that's more than enough for tonight,
xx. A.