What a long, strange trip it's been.

I've started to write this entry about 3 times now and I keep tripping over my words or not quite expressing things the way I want to and it's so frustrating. I had my last treatment on Friday [yesterday] -- I'm 'unofficially' in remission. Of course I'll have to wait on some test results to make sure everything is done, but as far as my doctor is concerned [again, unofficially], I'm out of the woods.

I don't know how I feel. Exhausted primarily, but with undertones of pride, happiness, and hope. I was so scared throughout the last four months -- I'm 25, 25 year olds are supposed to have God complexes, fast cars and a drinking problem, not a life endangering illness. I didn't have it as bad as half the people in my group therapy circle, but I felt as though I was most in danger. Surely if I - at such a young age - could manage to be afflicted with something so deadly, it was a sign and I might not make it. I've never been so afraid in my life. Every cough, every rash, every headache felt like I was teetering on the edge.

But I made it. I fought hard and while I felt - so many times - that I couldn't go on, I refused to give up and here I am.

The credit for this doesn't all belong to me, though. I have some fantastic friends and family. People who forced me to have the strength I needed, and when I ran out, lent me theirs. I love you all so much and I doubt I'll ever be able to repay the great debt I owe, but I will try. These are people who have got up in the middle of the night to give me pain medicine, because I couldn't manage it myself. People who have forced me to get to hospital, even on days when it felt like I might have to crawl to make it to the bus stop. People who have cleaned my house and done my laundry. People who have called -- even though they have nothing new to say -- just because they know I'm lonely and need company. People who have been there for late night ranting and crying... I couldn't have asked for a better support network if I tried.

Anyway, looking to the future. I have high hopes. I'm not sure what life holds in store for me, but I will meet whatever it is head held high, knowing there is nothing anyone could throw at me that I can't handle or work through. This blog has been a huge help to me throughout this journey, and now I hope will help me move forward and grow, and heal.

On a slightly less serious note, I have to say: I'm disappointed that 2010 doesn't end in an "ee" sound, so I can't sound cool when I say "Cancer free since 2010".. "Cancer free since 2003" sounds so much cooler. FML. lol.

All my love,
xx. A.