Emokid post of the month.

Being single is hard. Anyone who says otherwise is freaking insane. Either that or they've never been in a real relationship before to understand what it is they're missing.

Even the worst of relationships have things that - once they're over - will be missed. The way she cooked scrambled eggs, for example, or the way he made you feel comfortable about yourself even if you hadn't showered in days and were wearing some grungy pajamas with a hole in the thigh. It's things like that that you never really let go of, the small things.

Smaller than that, even.. Having someone to chat to after a long day at work, a friendly face at the end of the day, not having to make every decision on your own, not eating every dismal meal from a box especially designed for pathetic lonely people such as yourself. Knowing someone will always tell you you look fantastic even when you don't. Having someone who will make exceptions for you, because you are you and they don't need any reason other than that.

I am so incredibly grateful to K&N for letting me stay with them because honestly I don't think I could handle living alone right now. I'm a fairly self sufficient person and I like my space and my "me time", but I'm slowly going insane due to an abundance of "me time".  I find myself doing things like immediately folding laundry once it's out of the dryer or actually CLEANING my room by choice rather than necessity. Anything that will distract from the pit of cold that sits at the bottom of my stomach, clenching and unclenching.

Things like grocery shopping, which I used to do online rather than going to the store myself, have become hours-long activities that I look forward to.. which is amusing really, since for the most part all I ever come home with is frozen meals for one and Coke Zero.

I'm lonely, I guess. And I never noticed it so much before but living alone [more or less] really hammers it home. I do have K&N but unless they specifically invite me to spend time with them I try not to intrude. They're like, the perfect couple - all wrapped up in an adorable pink love-bubble and I almost feel as though I'm stealing from them anytime I take any of their time that could have otherwise be spent with one another. Don't get me wrong, neither of them act that way, it's just a weird paranoia or something I guess. I'm bad at being the third wheel.

Which is amusing really, since I spent what, 3 years being Bec and Sali's third wheel? I guess - like I said - you don't really know what you're missing until you've experienced it yourself.. nowadays when I'm around couples I just want to either a. strangle them or b. get the hell away.

I really need to start getting back into my writing as I hear having a hobby is "the go" for painfully single women who don't want to become crazy cat ladies [I'm really much more of a dog person :(].

Anyway it's about bedtime, I think. This has been another emokid post by yours truly!

xx. A.