Anyway yesterday I watched "The Ugly Truth" which - aside from having Izzy [or Katherine Heigl or whatever her real name is] playing YET another character who is essentially EVERY OTHER CHARACTER SHE HAS EVER PLAYED - was not an altogether waste of time. I quite literally laughed out loud at various points which rarely happens with movies or TV [I admit it, my lol's are usually exaggeration]. The character Izzy plays is a neurotic control freak and has a list of traits a man must possess in order for her to be interested. I'm far from a neurotic control freak but I thought it was an interesting idea, not only that but one of my high school journals contained a similar list so I thought it was probably time to update that!
Please keep in mind that none of this is targeted at anyone. The commentary is generalised and if you're reading through thinking "oh my god is she talking about me?! does she think I'm pathetic?!" the answer is no, I'm not talking about you but if you continue to be so paranoid, then maybe, I might think you're pathetic. =P
The Perfect [or at least datable] Partner
1. Be smart. I'm not the brightest crayon in the box but I need someone who is both intelligent and educated. Things like the differences between "your" and "you're", and "there", "their" and "they're" MATTER. Oh and for the LOVE of god, be well spoken. Accents make me go on a murderous rage. I know you can't help where you were born, but the word is "driving" not "drivin", "MonDAY" not "Mundee" and "my" not "me" [except the obvious times when it's 'me'.. but still, you get my point].
2. Have a sense of humour similar to my own. The only place I should ever need to censor myself is at work - and honestly, even THAT blows. I don't want someone I need to 'behave' around or someone who won't get my particular brand of 'lols'.
3. Non smoker, non coffee drinker. Unfortunately this is mandatory. The smell of both of these make me think of my childhood, and frankly, nauseous.
4. Be headed somewhere. Career vs Job. I don't have a problem with someone slumming it in their teens or while they finish uni. But I think there comes a point where you need to make an active decision to become an adult and move into "career" mode. I don't want to rent my house forever, and my future partner working at Woolworth's as a trolley boy is something that would hold me back from actualising that dream. [I feel like I shouldn't have to say it, but have a full time job - I don't want or need someone to support me, but I don't expect to need to support you, either. Not only that but what kind of example are you setting by living at home and letting your parents support you? How do I know you CAN be a man if you've never done anything but be a child?].
5. Have GOALS. I don't care if it's to own your own business, build a house, have a family, build a time machine.. whatever. But be working toward something. I want someone who thinks beyond "work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, get drunk on weekend".
6. Have similar interests to my own. No relationship will last if the only common ground you have is the sex.
7. On that note, don't suck at the sex part. Sorry, but if I'm tying myself to someone for the rest of my life, this is important.
8. Be independent. I want a partner, not a child. Of course I want to spend time with you, but I want to know that if I don't feel like going out one weekend you'll just go out with friends or find something else to do, rather than raging up and pouting at me.
9. Be confident. Not jerk level confident - just, "confident and sexy" confident. Whiney needy people are the opposite of appealing.
10. Be understanding of my dysfunction. I'm crazy, I admit it now. I have all kinds of flaws and double standards. I'm willing to try and work on them, but sometimes there's not a lot I can do to contain my crazy, so you need to make a few allowances.
I'm sure as soon as I submit that I'll think of 10 more things to add to that list, or to edit into pre-existing traits. But anyway, Amy out!
xx. A.
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