I might not always name the people I'm writing about either for privacy sake or because I don't want to offend them, or other reasons, but atleast the first 3 I've got in my head are fairly obvious and will be easily guessed by anyone who plays a large part in my life, I suspect.
I won't be writing these in any particular order. Person 1 is no more important to me than Person 2 (well, they might be but I'm not writing these by order of importance, anyway) it's simply the order I could think of something to write about them.
Person #1
Person 1 is the bravest, most amazing person I know.
He is fierce like Beyonce, smart like Sheldon, inspired like Gaga, and unforgettable like Madonna.
He is The Catalyst.
It feels as though, even in situations that are not completely in his favour, he always knows he will come out on top and has confidence in his ability to make the situation work for him. This confidence and self control (and too - control over his surroundings) is something I have always envied.
My first memory of Person 1 is playing in a small, unoccupied lot, pretending to be various characters from Warhammer together. I was the Everqueen (oh god, lol) and I built bridges of ice over the rocky landscape to make our path easier. I don't remember what he was, I'm sorry, but I remember he had a cloak and that made me giggle.
I know that we knew eachother for years before that memory, but for the life of me I cannot remember anything before he meant the world to me.
I remember having ridiculous, shameful obsessions growing up. Final Fantasy, Pokemon, Zelda, GoldenEye, Musical artists I will not name even to this day. And I remember it being okay between the two of us... and our extreme attempts to hide it from the rest of the world. haha!
Person 1 inspired me to go back to school, and pushed me when I wanted to quit.
He took me into his home, on multiple occassions, and helped to mend my broken spirit when I thought I had nothing left in the world.
Person 1 put up with me being flakey, unreliable, self obsessed while I went through a painful breakup. And was STILL there for me at 2am to make milkshakes and watch Greys Anatomy until the wee hours of the morning, once I was finally ready for human contact.
I will never forget drinking until the wee hours of the night, making terrible website designs (which - at the time - we thought were fantastic) and singing and dreaming and just BEING.
I will never forget the feeling of complete disbelief, anger and rage the first time I heard anyone speak out negatively about something that I had just come to accept as part of who he was -- as much as his hair colour or favorite ice cream flavour were. To this day nobody has spoken ill of him infront of me and gotten away with it.
I have never been more comfortable in my own skin than I have been with Person 1.
I would never have made it this far in life, without Person 1.
I will never love another person the way I love Person 1.
Below are just a few memories of Person 1. Ahahahaha. If you haven't already guessed it's about to become completely and utterly clear. I love you James, from the depths of my soul. <3 oox.
xx. A.
2 comments:
This is going to be long and mushy. LONG HAIR, DON'T CARE!
I check your blog with the frequency we used to back in the days of LiveJournal, etc. because you're so aware of your situation. You're honest and know what it means to have a tool to express yourself. I find it hard to think of anything to say, because it feels so personal to read what you write some times – I feel privileged just to read, because I think I have a unique insight into you after all these years. I have nothing but admiration for your strength, because while I'm sure there are times you just want to just scream, lash out and blame something or someone, you haven't done that once that I've seen. Even if you did, I wouldn't dispute that it would be justified, I just I know that's probably the first thing I would do before realisation set in instead of trying to rationalise...
I know the title of your blog is 'Where Hope Comes To Die,' but to me, you are a very hopeful person. You're strong, and loyal, and amazing - you give me hope. I have always valued our dynamic and the mutual hope we have given each other. I'm so glad you're a part of my life, and all the things you mentioned here are true of what you've given me too.
I love the visual memories, because they probably only make proper sense to us. Even explaining stories to others I think our formative years would translate badly, but I will never regret how shamelessly fun, tacky, creative, and individual we were. I will never forget us buying the most clashing colours and spray painting that door badly, or anything else we did to feel liberated. More seriously than that, you standing up for me, made me realise I should stand up for myself in the world (the Pizza Hut bogan incident hahaha). I didn't happen upon self-respect easily, because I would defeatedly feel oppressed in a way only a teenager could be. I think I had a relatively easy passage into acceptance into accepting my sexuality and everything else because despite anything else, I had you as a best friend. The courage to be unabashedly myself and stand up in the world is heavily influenced by my friendship with you – someone who doesn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. I've never known you to be afraid to try anything, and I love how we have always just been huge geeks, yet unmistakably cool in our world. I hope this makes sense and isn't too rambly, I know how you think and feel about me, but I'm seriously just awed and blessed that anyone would think these things of me – nonetheless express them in their blog without occasion.
I love you so much. <3
Just goes to show, you don't have to be family to be family. He is very special in our lives and will always be.
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